Stranger in This House
by RedAlert98
Summary: The ridiculous things that go on when the carpet cleaner comes by for an hour - you might say this story is bringing sexy back ;) Friendship, Humor, No Slash


The carpet cleaning was supposed to be a regular, boring, routine job - vacuum and shampoo the downstairs, takes an hour, and he's finished.

What Matt had not counted on was the upstairs being occupied, by two teens, who didn't even know he was there, but apparently thought he was 'Aunt Iris.'

While Matt was doing the vacuuming, he heard someone pounding across the hallway upstairs, probably running, and doing a really loud job of it. There was a really lound THUMP, then a teenage male's voice noisily declared, "8.9!"

A different one, sounding younger, then exclaimed indigniantly, "Dude, that was at LEAST a 9.5! What fantasy world do you live in?"

"Fine, do it again! See if you can score a 10!"

The running, thumps, and announced scores continued for a few more minutes, until it ceased, and was replaced with laughter and shouting.

The youngest voice yelled, "WHERE'S THE JENGA?!", in which the other one answered "SHE HID IT!"

The noise continued for a few minutes until there was a really loud THWUMP, an exclamation of "Ow!", more shuffling, and then yelling, apparently directed towards 'Aunt Iris.'

"Aunt Iris, Dick just said redheads are soulless!" One voice called out, in a tattletale tone.

"I did not, he's a liar! You have the best soul _ever_ Aunt Iris!" the other replied.

Sighing, Matt's head pounded at the noise. He was still a bit hungover from last night, and really wished those two upstairs would shut up. Or at least figure out that he was not 'Aunt Iris'.

"CAN YOU MAKE US A GRILLED CHEESE?" one of them yelled down.

A few moments later...an unmistakable beat filled the house, and then...

 _I'm bringin' sexy back_

 _Them other boys don't know how to act_

 _I think it's special, what's behind your back_

 _So turn around and I'll pick up the slack_

 _Take em to the bridge!_

"Aunt Iris, Wally's dirty dancing!" the younger teen yelled to the downstairs.

"Nuh uh, he did it first!" the other voice protested

"No I didn't, that was breakdancing!"

"You can't tell me the last move you didn't wasn't dirty dancing!"

"Oh and you would know, would you?"

The volume of their arguement lowered, the music drowning their words out. As he sprayed the foam onto the carpet, Matt decided he was never having kids.

The pair upstairs went through a playlist of about 10 songs before it ended, resulting in extremely suspicious silence. A silence that lasted several minutes, in which Matt started to get a bit concerned.

Were they dead?

He was suddenly reassured that they were not dead when he heard movement, via loud, muffled footsteps. Their voices became much clearer; they were coming down the stairway. He heard one say, "Are you insane?", and the younger reply, "Seeing as how 94 percent of psychotics think they're perfectly sane, I guess we have to ask ourselves, what is 'sane'? Hey Aunt Iris, can you make us a..."

Matt had just finished shampooing the last room when they reached the bottom of the steps. Both gave him a bewildered look as their conversation trailed off.

"Who the heck are you?" the tallest one with red hair asked. The shorter, dark haired, and definitely the youngest teen, shot his friend a look, shaking his head and muttering about 'no tact'. He began walking towards the kitchen, complaining. "So this means we can't get a grilled cheese." The redhead followed, pretty much ignoring Matt. It was bizarre how they just rolled with a complete stranger being in their house, without even letting Matt answer the question of 'who the heck' he was.

"Well _we_ can make a grilled cheese." The oldest teen insisted, but his friend told him, "No open flames when there is no adult supervision, remember?"

The redhead rested his forehead in his hands in vexation. "Set the pasta on fire one time, ONE TIME, and you're branded for life."

Laughing, the dark haired teen offered his input on the subject. "Well it's not just us, Bruce isn't allowed to make pasta either. He's set it on fire twice."

"Whatever, point is, we can't make a grilled cheese." the eldest grumbled.

Matt's equipment was packed up and ready to go out the door when the dark haired teen (Dick? Judging from what he had heard from their conversations?) shouted, "Hey, are you an adult?"

Shrugging, Matt replied, "More or less. In college."

"Awesome." Dick replied. "Grilled cheese sandwiches aren't much harder than making Ramen noodles. You can have one too if you'll make 6 of them."

"7." The redhead (Wally?) insisted.

"7." Dick reconfirmed.

He stared at them a minute to see if they were serious, and after realizing they were, Matt just shrugged and went, "Alright."

30 minutes later, when Iris came home and walked into the kitchen, she was beyond bewildered to find the hippie-looking carpet cleaning guy making Wally and Dick grilled cheese sandwiches. And the only explanation or greeting she got was a mumbled "'Sup." from Dick as he took a bite from his sandwich.

"And who is this exactly?" Iris asked, annoyed. Of course she knew it was the carpet cleaning man she hired, but she was more than a bit annoyed. He was wearing her favorite apron.

Wally and Dick paused in their eating to give each other a blank look. Dick then shrugged and told her, "Dunno his name, but he makes the best cheese toasties _ever_."

* * *

Hope this story was a bit funny to you :)

And wanted to thank you guys for never being flamers, you're always so sweet!

So this shoutout goes to ChocolateandReading - haha, great username! ;)

And I came up with this late one night and found it to be pretty funny - I don't care who got da booty, cause I got da booyah!


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